What time is it.....

Today Carrol seems even more intent on getting an exact date as to when T will pass. I wish the doctors would stop giving her these answers like they EVERYTHING! They do not. No one does. And knowing when some is going pass is not one of those things that no one can't know. I know that she is just exhausted from the worrie and the agony of losing her best friend, her mother, her sister....and she's just wants all the pain for everyone to stop, the pain that T may be in, and the pain of herself and  everyone that stands at her bedside, longing for the woman in the distant memory in their head.
The sight of her today looked more peaceful. I felt an energy fom her today. Like a she's is half with us and half with well u know,  like she's holding on for something or someone... I've been wanting to tell he somthing but I want to tell her alone, just me and T. I wanna tell her that ....well that'll be between me and her :)..
So I just got a fb message from Damian. I was wondering today if anyone told him......I mean he is a long standing family friend....idk I just thought he would want to know...he didn't know....he said he gonna go up there.
Idk how I feel about this my sadness seems to stem from more than just the absence of a wonderful person to have around during out path in life, its more of the butterfly effect I feel it may have on those who love her....not ready for details I cried enough today...death fuckin sucks, but then again so does life sometimes.... 

Fading

What does it feels like ? The "transition" is what they call it. Trasition. Why call it that?  Making it sound exciting......but this is no where near exciting. The emotion is dark. Okk no more poetic talk. No back story, straight to it.

I picked Carrol up this morning, dooming the emotions I knew were coming. Being so close but still outside the family, I've avoided feeling the sadness and hurt that comes along with eminent passing........
10:13 Carrol and Uncle Johnny just went down to smoke, in front of the "no smoking" signs posted.....
Joey and Mike arrive...sitting in the same room with either make me uncomforted. No matter how untrue, I feel like there's a secret and everyone knows it but everyone is acting like it doesn't exist....the secret being the.....ok I'm not even ready to devulge our not so secret secret.
Funny how.....I say that way to much, I never mean funny haha, but usually I mean ironic or unfortunate. Like, its funny how some one who has lived a life that my not be the "norm" or "idealistic" but her soul was, well, you would have to meet her to know. Like a beautiful flower, a Poppy ofcourse ;) , and a firecracker all in one.